Rehab Journal

Day Nine:

Whew! What an emotional day. I'm still a bit dizzy from the roller coaster ride, but my feet are beginning to steady. I do feel as if I had a mini-breakthrough this morning in group, though. In all of my three months in out-patient treatment, I never cried once in the presence of my group. So, for me to be able to tear up in the way I did in front of women I've known for only a week, well, it was quite a shocker for me. Of course, both Mel's and Sara's disclosures and raw honesty helped me immensely. After my own outpouring, I felt such a sense of relief, even though i couldn't quite share (or wasn't ready to share) exactly what I was internalizing. I know I will be able to in time. A short nap and meditation group really helped balance me out and allowed me to breath from a deeper place. I still felt on the verge of tears for the remainder of the day (quite possibly PMS-instigated). And then I saw my boyfriend. His first visit. I cried again, but out of love. Thank you so much for allowing him to be a supportive part of my recovery while i am here. It means so very much. He has been my beacon though all of this. Thank you, again. And I promise, one day soon, I will be able to cry and scream and rant and rave, and oh my goodness, even curse if that is what I need in order to heal.