Rehab Journal

Day Thirteen:

I had a bit of a fright this evening when my godmother brought me my mail. It was a letter from child support services with a picture of my son's father in it, asking me to confirm identity so that may may press charges for child support. I haven't seen or heard from this man in ten years. When I became pregnant he wanted nothing to do with me. So, I moved here to Eugene to be with family. I have been completely content with my decision to this this on my own. I chose to be a single mother and I have never regretted that decision. But when I applied for welfare cash benefits a few months ago, they wouldn't give them to me unless I divulged all the information I have on my son's father. I needed the money to survive, so I felt I had no choice. Now they've found him and I'm scared. I don't know how he is going to react to this. I have all of these fears and "what ifs" going on in my head. What if he wants to see my son? What if he finds out I'm in treatment and wants to fight for custody? I know I'm future-tripping, but it's difficult not to. I just need to breath and pray. Also, I was so happy I was here when I got this news. I know it would have caused a relapse on the outside. So, I'm very thankful for that.