Rehab Journal

Day Eight:

I went to my first outside AA meeting today since I've been here. It felt fabulous. I've gone to this specific meeting on and off for over a year, so there were many familiar faces and even a few people who knew me casually and were delighted to see me back. I had always gone to the meetings alone, sat by myself, was quiet and shy, but polite. I rarely ever spoke or shared. I had always just attributed it to my shyness or my anxiety, but now I realize I was purposely isolating myself from them, not allowing myself to get to close, or to truly open up to them. I see now that I wasn't fully ready to commit myself to the program and my recovery. I was scared of failure, of disappointing them if I relapsed. But today was different. Attending the meeting with my peers, I felt so relaxed and confident, as if that was exactly where I was supposed to be. I even spoke, shared my gratitude for being back, and really beginning the process like I was meant to. I felt so invigorated after I left. It even helped me relax and be more of my outgoing, goofy self here. maybe this is just my honeymoon stage of recovery, but it sure feels good. And geeze, am I grateful.