Rehab Journal

Day Sixteen:

One day at a time. Wow, am I learning that one. I was so surprised by how great I felt today. I guess a purging of all and every emotion at once can really balance you out somehow. I was really scared by my feelings yesterday. I really wanted to avoid and isolate, to keep everything safe and contained within myself. I almost told my boyfriend not to come last night. But luckily, I relented. He was such an amazing support. No judgements, no criticisms. He just listened, smoothed my hair, and let me vent and cry. Before he left he made me promise one thing: that I would tell at least one person here tonight how I was feeling. He knew, from experience, that if I kept it festered inside, there was a good chance that I might really talk myself into leaving. I didn't want to, but I promised him. As soon as he left, I went outside for a smoke and told the first two women who sat down. I shared my feeling and fears and cravings and asked them if they could keep a "Souza Watch" that night. They agreed in a second, hugged me, told me how proud of me they were for reaching out for help. It even gave one girl hope because she had been feeling the same way. It was then that I knew I couldn't leave, that I didn't even want to. I still have so much to learn and there will be more bad days, I know, but now I'm confident that I can get through them.