Rehab Journal

Day Sixty:

One of the saddest days of my life. When Ray came for his visit today, I had my letter ready to give him. I wish that I could have verbally explained all this to him, but I knew my emotions would jumble up my thoughts. So, I thought a letter would be more clarifying, and then he would be able to respond. He was silent and stoic for about 15 minutes after reading it. His silence always makes me nervous, because normally, he talks alot. When he spoke, at first, it was shock, then anger, then frustration, then he broke down his walls and cried. I cried right along with him. we both knew it was the right decision, but we didn't realize how painful it was going to be. We ended "us" with love and I'm so thankful for that. I'm going to miss him everyday, but I know I did the right thing, for me, my son, and for him. It allowed me to realize how dedicated now I am to my recovery. I had to give up the one man who has ever truly loved me, all of me, for the sake of my continued sobriety. I am grateful. I am hopeful. I am so very scared.