Rehab Journal

Day Thirty-One:

I had another good day, two in a row. Hallelujah! It's a miracle. I've just been feeling really positive lately. I think I'm finally coming to terms with the meaning of acceptance. It's allowing me not to over-react to things, to get over-heated, to feel sadness or self-pity. I'm just going along with the flow of things, trusting God to put what I need in my path. It really feels wonderful. Odd, but wonderful. I had a nice, light conversation with my boyfriend over the phone and realized he truly is my best friend. I can accept that and love him just as we are right now. It's actually a weight off my shoulders; not feeling like I have to be the perfect girlfriend, who says and does all the right things. He, of course, never expected this of me. But I did of myself. And that continuous feeling of self-failure was drowning me. I feel lifted up. I accept myself as I am right now. I'm saying "no," I'm voicing my opinion more, I'm finding strength in myself. And you know what, people seem even more drawn to me now. My son also came for a quick visit tonight. We had a great time. He gave me tons of hugs and kisses and told me he was proud of what I was learning here. He said he does want to live with me. That he's not scared anymore. He said he only gets sad when I sound sad. We still have alot to work on, building that trust and stability back up. But I am so hopeful.