Rehab Journal

Day Twenty-Eight:

Okay, weirdness, again. Happy and chipper and energetic yesterday, then lethargic, sad, and grieving again today. It may be because I stayed up so much last night. It may be because I feel so bad about getting my first write-up today. it may because I haven't talked to my son since Friday because he's been celebrating another Christmas and New Year on the coast with my godmother's family. It may be because I haven't spoken to my boyfriend since our sort of break-up on Saturday. I don't know if he's just not home when I call or if he's avoiding me. Maybe he feels the distance is better for me right now. Maybe he's angry at me. Maybe he's grieving now too and it's too painful for him to talk to me. I hate not knowing. When I don't know the truth of the matter, my mind starts reeling and worrying and I can't settle it down until I know what exactly is going on. It's frustrating. I feel so supported and cared for here, but now with my son not wanting to visit me as much and my boyfriend, maybe avoiding me, I feel really alone. The two people I love most in this world (because of how I've hurt them) are distancing themselves from me, and it hurts so bad. I'm going to call my sponsor this evening, eat a good dinner, and go to bed early. day by day, right? Maybe tomorrow I'll have another bout of happiness. I can hope.
P.s. When do you think I can begin the grief and loss class?