Rehab Journal

Day Twenty-Two:

I unpacked all my bags tonight. I am so relieved. But I am still scared to stay and just as scared to leave. So as they say, if your unsure of where you want to go, you may as well just stay where you are. Yes, I missed my family. Yes, it was Christmas. Yes, I wanted some sense of normalcy, and yes, I even wanted to drink. I knew as soon as I would walk through those doors, a glass of wine would be my first and only priority. And of course, as much as I would promise myself, it would not have ended with just one glass. I knew it would have ruined everything. That I wouldn't just be hurting myself, but also my son and godmother and boyfriend and all the people here who care about me. But in that sad, obsessed, addict state, I didn't care about anything or anyone, other than leaving, than being free. Thank god for these women, for my boyfriend. Without their words and hugs and tears, I don't know where I would be today, if I would even be alive. I told everyone I would sleep on it, But I knew as soon as my head hit the pillow last night, that I was staying. I have so much work to do, so much more to learn, so much more healing. Last night really made me realize that again. And I am so thankful. And I am even proud of myself.I stayed and that alone was my decision to make. I made the right one, and I pray to make many, many more.