Rehab Journal

Day Twenty-nine:

Acceptance! It seems so simple, but, oh, is it difficult at times. Accept the things we cannot change. I cannot change the fact that my son is scared and angry and confused. I can just love him and support him and show him through my words and actions that I am getting healthier and stronger, and that in time, as long as it may take for him, he will feel safe and secure with me again. I can accept that. I can accept responsibility for the pain and sorrow I've caused my boyfriend, but I can also accept the love and cherishable moments we had together as well. I need to forgive myself for those hurtful behaviors, even though he may not be ready to forgive. I can't fully heal if I obsess on past behavior, punish myself with guilt and remorse, and wallow in depressive self-pity. I can accept that he has been hurt. And I can accept that I am truly sorry for causing it. I can accept that I am working toward a recovery, a new life where I won't even need to worry about hurting him or my son or others I have in the past. I can accept that day by day. I'm working on this, and that right now, that's all I can do. And that's okay. I can accept my boyfriend's friendship and love and support, and if one day, our relationship grows into something more, then that is wonderful. If it does not, then I can cherish what he gave me and how he loved me and move onto another chapter in my life. God put him in my life for a reason, and whatever that reason is, I accept it fully.