Rehab Journal

Day Thirty-Seven:

I'm a little freaked out and feeling guilty. Because I'm receiving government cash assistance, the state has to press for child support from my son's father or i will lose all of my benefits if I don't comply. They are sending me all of this detailed and personal paperwork to fill out because, first, paternity needs to be established. It's all so stressful and I'm worried that it's going to get even more complicated. I'm feeling guilty because when I first told the father that I was pregnant (and he wanted me to get an abortion and I refused), I told him he didn't have to have anything to do with the child, that it was my decision alone to keep the baby, and that I would never press for any support in a legal manner. I have always been solid and resolute in this matter, even though everyone else has heckled me over the years to force him to pay up and take responsibility. But now I feel as if I don't even have a choice. I need these state benefits to survive and care for my son right now while I'm getting the help I need. But I don't want to ruin my son's father's life. And what if after all this, he presses for shared or sole custody? I haven't seen or heard from this man in 8 years. I know I'm worrying, but it's really hard not to right now. I just wish it would all go away! AHHHH!