Rehab Journal

Day Thirty-Four:

I was proud of myself for saying what I needed to say in Process group this morning. It wasn't meant to hurt Cara, but I needed her to know how her actions had hurt me. Yet, it also really helped me to not have false ideals of people. To think well of them, but know that they are imperfect and capable of behaviors that I do not agree with or even understand, such as her stealing. It also helped me to release my tension and shock about the situation and to see her so remorseful, honest, and yearning for help in this other addiction of hers. I still embrace all of her good points, her helpful and wise words, her strength and compassion. But it may take me a while to truly trust her again. And I'm okay with that. I don't feel guilty for feeling that way and that is a big change for me. I'm changing everyday while I'm in here, and so far, I'm seeing and feeling positive results from that. Fear is disappearing every minute, hour, day, and faith is taking its place. It's a strange feeling, being comfortable with "unknowing" , bit it's also such a relief to not have to struggle to control every aspect of my life. Go with the flow, but stay focused and serene.